I don’t know about you, but I have often contemplated what a good life or contented life would consist of. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately given the state of the world and that most people I know had a challenging 2025.
So in a world in turmoil, how do we find meaning or contentment in life?
A few years ago I wrote down a list of things that make me truly happy and it turned out those things are pretty basic – good company, good conversation, good food, walks in nature and learning new things.
All the trappings of material wealth didn’t really figure into it for me. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate them and I have a strong desire ‘things’ but they don’t give me long term satisfaction or true peace of mind that I can get from talking to my best friends or spending time with my husband.
An example of this happened just last week when I spent a few days on my husband’s marae with his extended whanau for a family reunion. The marae is a beautiful and serene location overlooking Lake Rotorua. What was really delightful was simply sharing conversation and spending time cooking and eating.
The few days I spent there were a reminder that for me, true happiness is about connection to others and the environment. That’s something that I need to constantly remind myself of because as an extroverted introvert I tend to spend a lot of time avoiding people. Yes, I know that’s odd, but it’s the truth.
There has been a lot of philosophical thought about the idea of a ‘good life’. Aristotle’s concept of eudaimonia or ‘flourishing,’ is the idea that a person lives a balanced life and develops courage and moderation. Our needs are not about what we desire in the moment but whatever will lead us to develop as rational beings. Stoicism warns that we don’t suffer from having too little, but that we want too much. Stripping life down to absolute essentials frees ourselves from anxiety and resentment.
We often associate Epicurus with hedonism, but he distinguished food, shelter, and friendships as necessary, but luxury, fame, power and endless wealth as unnecessary. Pleasure for him meant the absence of unnecessary pain, not over indulgence. In more modern times, Rousseau, De Beauvoir, and Sartre argued our ‘needs’ are socially manufactured. We are, they claim, conditioned to want certain things because other’s tell us so.
If we look at advertising and social media, that often seems to be the case.
Most of us live in this modern world with a standard of living unparalleled in human history. I may not be a billionaire, but I have more possessions and better opportunities than all of my ancestors who came before my grandparents.
Yet, is it enough? Do they bring me comfort? Well yes they do, but they don’t stop me being lonely at times or shore up my self confidence. For me, as I mentioned earlier, what really makes me feel good is deep connection and undertaking the most fundamental human activities that facilitate that connection.